I am Sorry!!!

   Precisely 12hours back I was wide awake and was watching Brazil getting massacred by German team in the world cup semifinal. I put out an FB post asking whether the match was happening in UP, and I thought nothing of it.

   Today one person told me that the post is in a very bad taste. This made me think and I realised that actually I did the same thing that I keep complaining. I was insensitive and casually joking about the most heinous crime in the world. I am man enough to admit that I have committed a sin. It is as inexcusable as actually committing the crime. I know I should apologise, but will it make any difference??

   I just realised that, all the time I have stood up for unknown women in the buses or malls or just about anywhere, doesn't count at all. My one post has wiped all of that! 

   I realised that I too am part of the problem. All the candle light vigils, all the protests, all the things I do to support the victims, doesn't count at all.

   Just am feeling so ashamed of myself that words fail to express the disgust that I am feeling for myself right now!! I think I must SHUT up and just say I am SORRY!!!

Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it's queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there's some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

And I kept on waiting....

Its 8:15 a.m. and I stand here in the bus stop waiting for the office bus to arrive. I stand here in the same manner as I did a few years back waiting for my college bus. Little did I know then that things would change so much in 6 years; the sky under which I am standing seems to be looking at me and smiling .. It is perhaps the only thing that has acted as a witness .. watching the transformation of a loud and bubbly person into a quiet professional.

I wouldn't blame the professionalism for the change though. It is destiny, or may be you could call it life. Yes Life, esoteric in the true sense, for one does not understand why you meet hundreds of people everyday, work with so many, and still remain lonely.

I am now in one of the corner seats in the bus, looking out of the window watching people trying to catch up with "life" .. It's an hour's journey and the only company that I generally have is the chatter of the RJ. I seldom notice the person sitting next to me, for its going to be yet another stranger or may be you could say another acquaintance. It is annoying at times when the radio is switched off, not because I am cut off from the melody but because I would now be thrust with thoughts of the solitary journey ahead.

I can't help thinking about the short bus journeys to college ... well it's a paradox to call a distance of 30 KMs "short", but that is how it always seemed. A typical college day always begins in the bus with all the familiar faces; you look forward for all your friends to get in from the various stops, the reasonless giggles, the loud laughter that were stifled to avert the eyes of the lecturers and professors who would watch on us as if we were their prospective prey for the day ... well as I said it was a different life then. The pleasant memories of college are in itself good enough to save me from the misery of the bus journey.

I notice that it is time for me to get down and flash my smile of acknowledgement to all the known strangers that I see as I approach my cubicle. A few of my colleagues greet me with their morning wishes and as always, we exchange our pleasantries. Discussions jump to the weekend plans and I wonder what I'd do over the weekend.

It would be just another day staring at the mobile, wishing it would ring and bring back some wonderful moments that are now missing in life or maybe the safer option would be to come to office, for it's my new founded asylum these days. A few years back, weekends or weekdays didn't matter to me, I was always busy. I always stood doubting the authenticity of the wall clock that seemed to be in running too fast to perceive its movement. Alas, now it seems as though my clock is suffering from some kind of paralytic attack.

There is a time in life, where one needs to go ahead, leaving behind your friends and carrying along only memories. You do make new friends, but then you never get the old close ones ... you do meet people who'd be so good to you that you could tell them anything and everything, but you do not find a person to whom you needn't say things ... friends who just know you. Occasional calls from such friends, have been the only thing that I seem to look forward to ...However, I cant help but notice the uneasy pause that lingers around the conversation ..A pause not because of the relationship, but because it is too short a duration to say everything, and of course you cannot completely rule out the paucity of words!

As I sip coffee from the ubiquitous coffee mug, watching the drops of rain, trickling down the tinted glass panes, veiling the scenic beauty outside, I tell myself, may be there will be a day when things will change, when life will offer a rewind, a recap of all the events and I just have to wait.

Capricious are the ways of life, for I know there would be many who'd be able to empathize with me, ironically, even the dear ones that I miss this moment, waiting perhaps...!!

And I keep on waiting......

My Boss...

1. My Boss has learned to be cautious. Failure taught him that.
2. My Boss isn't a total failure. His Boss helped too.
3. If ever we need to simulate a problem, we invite my Boss to the meeting.
4. Normally we don't except sloppy work, but we make an exception for my Boss.
5. My Boss decided to put his memoirs in a book. Its called 'My Defecations'.
6. If my Boss was a energy plant, he'd be a 'power failure'.
7. My Boss is in court for sexual harassment. He said it was a 'pat on the back.'
8. My Boss returned from his evaluation looking very sad. He said "I can't figure out why my Boss hates me. I haven't done anything."
9. My Boss' business philosophy is "You can fool enough of the people some of the time."
10. My Boss doesn't mind work. Its thinking that scares him.
11. Comments on the first day from my new Boss "Over the years I've trained 3 people who eventually became my Boss. I guarantee that's not going to happen to you."
12. My Boss canceled the weekly status meetings on a project long overdue. She said "Every week its the same thing. Let's wait until something happens, before we meet again."
13. I interviewed with a company and then didn't hear back for over a month. I had written them off, and was surprised to get a phone call from my Boss-to-be, asking if I was still interested in the position. When I said, "yes," he said, "good, because our first two choices got better offers."
14. In their absence, management left my Boss in charge. They wanted to see the 'worst case scenario.'
15. My Boss recently joined my car pool. I now know, I can lead my Boss to work, but I can't make him think.
16. "Yes, I've read your proposal, but I can't support concepts before management's review." Typical political maneuvers by my Boss.
17. "I really love that spreadsheet. I did 10 what-ifs and I liked them all." Comment after seeing his pie-in-the-sky sales forecasts.
18. My Boss recently completed 'Excel for Dummies". Now, the rest of us are reading "The Dummy Unleashed."
19. Management posted a flyer, on the employee bulletin board, supporting a $0.00/hr minimum wage. They claimed that even an employee earning $0.00/hr, benefits from the experience of work and the learning process. Frankly, I earn a salary and I don't see the benefit.
20. As hard as it is to believe, my Boss has a will of his own. His attorney wrote it.

Solitude!!

No words!!!
:)

Back after a long time...

Finally it comes… Someone posted a comment as to why no post from me for a long time!

Yes it has been a long time. I don’t know why but I was not in a proper frame of mind to write or do anything worthwhile. I gave up analyzing the reason when I found that it was leading me nowhere.

So what have I been up to in the recent times? A lot and nothing! Here goes…

I became friends with Mr. A., a friend of a very good friend, Mr. V, a jovial, nice kid with a large heart and an ever-ready smile on his face. Mr. L, another friend of Mr. V, landed from Singapore and became one of us. Both of them are delightful characters and maybe someday I’ll have a post entirely on them.

Meanwhile, Mr. AB, room-mate of mine, returned from the US of A, There were lots to talk and hear. He had a rocking time for 8 months there, though by his own admission he was a bit bored and tired towards the end.

Another room-mate was getting married, so there was some work that we had to do. We needed to help him set-up his new home. All started with my trip to Chennai where I went to Saravana Stores (shopping paradise, if you can somehow bear the heat and humidity) and bought things required for the kitchen. When back in Bangalore, I accompanied him to Shivajinagar to buy the essentials. Two double cots with beds and pillows, a glass dining table with four chairs, a 3+1+1 sofa set with centre table and a TV stand. All for a cool 35K, nice bargain! Then there was this trip for his marriage (which happened to be in Kannur), I got busy in the planning and execution. The trip was enjoyable and fun with 8 of us traveling in a tempo traveler. It was fun all the way to and back! Another trip that I won’t be forgetting in a hurry!

Then there was another marriage, Mr. S, an ex-colleague and a great friend was getting married and I attended the function. Met some friends and colleagues from a time when I was more reckless and carefree. Have to say time changes people and people change with time. It was nice feeling not to feel envious or jealous or happy or sad to see the changes. Maybe as I said sometime ago, I have made peace with myself.

All along the rigors of routine office chores, I must admit I am not as driven as I was probably 2-3 years ago. I have more time to spend on myself now, which was not the case earlier. But I used to love those times when I spent most of the time in the office actually WORKING. Nowadays I work in the office. J

Another thing that kept me busy was the house hunting. We wanted to shift from the place that we have currently rented to a new place. One is that we are sort of bored of this place; secondly the rent has been increased, whereas in all the other places the rent has been decreased.

Now I am planning for another road trip this coming weekend. J

More about it soon.

All Hail! Champions are back…….

For the past few days I am excited by the news of Michael Schumacher back in a F1 cockpit. In midst of this excitement, I asked myself this question, “what is it that makes heroes who leave the field, come back?” History has been filled with such examples:

- Andreas Nikolaus "Niki" Lauda raced in F1 from 1971 to 1979, retired and came back in 1982 and went on to win the championship in 1984 and then retire again in 1985.

- Lance Amstrong, raced till he was diagnosed of Cancer in 1996, makes a comes back in 1998 fully conquering the cancer and retires in 2005. He comes back from retirement in 2009 and wins.

- Closer home, Souvrav Ganguly, dropped in 1992 due to attitude problems, comes back with a maiden century on debut at Lords, goes on to lead the Indian cricket team. Dropped due to rift with coach in 2005, makes a comeback in 2006 and retiring in 2008.

- Monica Seles dominated tennis till 1993 when she was stabbed, then she comes back in 1995 to take part in pro tennis and wins many afterwards.

- Jennifer Capriati, "the poster child for burned-out sports prodigies," to quote the Chicago Sun-Times, comes back in 1996 after her battle with personal problems.

There are many more, I just picked up what I remembered, not to forget Amitabh Bachchan for his innumerable comebacks or Diego Maradona or Andre Agassi or Stephen Hawking or Sergei Bubka or Goran Ivanišević et. al.

What do these people have to prove to anybody for that matter? What is it that drives them?? They have been there and done that, is it the lure of money, fame or power that draws them back? Money for some yes, but that is not a convincing argument. Fame and power, maybe!

What I felt is that these people are champions in their own right and there is a burning frenzy that always drove them. They had the desire to excel and that is what drives them.

Whatever it takes, I am just happy and inspired to watch these heroes of mine… win or fail, they still will be my heroes...

So….

All Hail! Champions are back…….